I need help, reassurance, advise, opinions, compassion...something. What is going on with my daughter? For a week or so Anna has been a bear. Not the cute snuggly type, but an actual bear. Cranky, whiney, fussy, clingy, annoying, challenging...did I mention cranky? She acts as if nothing is right in her world. She clings to me and wants me to pick her up and then 2.5 seconds later she can't get out of my arms fast enough. She'll pick up a book that she wants me to read to her and 2 pages into she is fussy and wiggling out of my lap. She doens't want to play with any of her toys, instead she finds any little thing that she should not get into and throws a fit when we don't let her play with it (I'm talking about dirty knives from the dishwasher).
I have no idea what changed with her but I want my sweet, happy, giggly girl back. Now, if you were to ask our daycare how she acts they would say a complete angel. They say that she is by far their easiest baby and that she is such a joy. Friday night, my mom was in town visiting and Dane and I left Anna with her while we went to visit our friends that just had a baby, and my mom said she was perfect the whole time. Has anyone else experienced this? Have your kids been crabby and cranky when they're at home but then get them around other people and take you out of the equation and they're sweet angels again? I feel like a failure or a bad mom because Anna has been crabby so much lately. I wonder what I can do differently.
We had a small break through tonight, Anna woke up from her afternoon nap and after we ate dinner she was in a very good mood and we actually got to have a great time playing. I thought we would continue the "fun time night" with a bath. This is usually one time during the day that she is super happy and playful. She has now found a way to ruin baths as well. She REFUSES to sit down in the tub. This is not okay with me and I will not give in. Tonight she went right into trying to stand up one time after another and each time I would sit her down. This always results in fits and crying...awesome. During one of her attempts to stand up she slipped and fell down bumping her head on the tub. Of course she cried....and then tried to stand again!! That girl is trying my patients until there in none left!
I have tried coming up with reasons why this is happening. Here's what I've come up with:
1.) She has two molars coming in on the top, so that might be causing some pain.
2.) Could this be the transition into toddlerhood?
3.) I'm failing as a mother.
4.) She gets a kick out of seeing her mother in misery.
5.) She has been sick this week, but I've never seen this type of behavior with a cold before.
Any other thoughts/ideas?
First Day of School 2015
10 years ago
5 comments:
Oh my gosh! Jenny, don't you dare find a way to blame yourself (being a bad mother) for Anna's changes....WE ALL go through mood changes ESPECIALLY children. Things will come and go with Anna, but please don't feel it is always you...you and Dane are great parents...you WILL get through this. I'll leave the tips and advance on your "young mother" friends...but please be kinder to yourself. All my love. MOM P.S. She DID throw a fit for me too!!!
Would you feel better if I told you that Grace is going through the same PHASE. Please note that I capitalized that because this is indeed a phase. Grace's favorite fit to throw is everytime I put her in her car seat...which is OFTEN, she'll do her best stiff baby and then scream for 5 mins just to let me know how mad she is. Or let's see how about when I take her toothbrush away, or when I make her sit in her highchair to eat or when I can't hold her for the exact moment she wants to be held...sound familiar? I try to remember that fits are a normal part of development as hard as that is to believe! My advice...1-its SO NOT YOU! stick to your guns just like you are doing and don't let her get away with anything. She is just testing her waters. 2-it is probably is her molars making her extra cranky. All in all, keep in mind, it's a PHASE, it will pass and it's NOTHING that you are doing wrong. If this helps, my 5 year old is an angel at school, I mean NEVER a time out etc...well let's just say he's NOT always an angel at home!!! It's like they use up all their cute niceness at school! the nerve! :) Hang in there, things will improve!I promise.
First things first. Naughty behavior does not equal bad mom/dad. So let that guilt go. I have had to consciously work on letting go of mommy guilt because it can really run your life otherwise. You guys are doing a great job. Say it to yourself and mean it.
Secondly, it is toddlerhood, it is teeth, and it is a phase. Which is the crummiest answer because it doesn't have a quick fix. Angela is right though. STICK TO YOUR GUNS. In the short run it makes things very unpleasant but in the long run it makes life easier. These phases (which there will be a lot more of) go by faster when they know they can't beat you into submission. Even when they try.
Truly, these phases will always come and go. When things have gone smooth here for a few weeks I always think, well, it's about time for someone to test me. The testing just changes with their age but the intent is the same. How much will they bend, what can I get away with, and can I make them cry? :-) There have been times when I feel like ALL I HAVE DONE is discipline one of the kids all day long. Then they wake up one day and are human again. Which Anna will do, I promise.
Hang in there, don't give up, and give yourself a lot of grace. Kids rock but they are TOUGH WORK sometimes.
Love you!
I don't have a lot to add since it has all pretty well been covered but it MIGHT be the teeth but more aptly it's just her testing you. That phase with my girls almost made me lose my sanity and look into selling them on the black market. I mean they were cute and I'm sure would have brought a hefty price but I hung in there and was ultimately glad I did. They would be wonderful for my friends, the lady in the church nursery, strangers, serial killers, pedophiles, chain saw massacrers but put me in the room and they were wailing, whining heaps of misery. Anna is just stretching the boundaries to see how far you'll let her go and she'll go just as far as you let her so yes, you have to stand your ground and all of a sudden your angel will return. You know just in time for the terrible twos and in my opinion, the even worse thoroughly rotten threes. But look, I still really love all my girls.
I know I'm kind of late adding a comment, but do know that your kids will always act their worst with you because they feel the most safe and secure with you, so they know they can lose control and you will be there for them. And yes - teeth, ear infection, developmental phase....it could be all or none. You should read "I Was A Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids" it should be required reading for all mothers! I have it and can remember to bring it next time I see you. It's kind of dog eared from all the moms that have read it, but that adds to the charm. ;-)
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